In the insightful book, “The Art of Connecting,” by Raines and Ewing, the writers encourage readers to use what is called the “Titanium Rule” when seeking to connect with others. Their astute observation: when we want to connect with people like us, we exercise what is known as “The Golden Rule,” which means, “do unto others what you would have them do unto you.” This works when people are LIKE us. When THEY prefer what WE prefer, it works, but, what about when WE are different? Raines and Ewing suggest the “Titanium Rule,” which means “do unto others according to their druthers” (as they would like you to do).  We learn what people’s druthers are by observing them, asking questions, watching mannerisms, noticing how they are dressed, reading their cues, noticing preferences they have etc.

The writers emphasize that people connect via similarities. The best way to connect is to identify and increase those similarities. We can’t change many things about us: birthplace, skin color or even ethnicity, but we can increase our similarities.