I am a basketball fan. When Yao Ming was drafted into the NBA, few of us knew much about him.  We were intrigued. As one writer stated so well after his retirement, “Yao Ming introduced many Americans to China.” Many knew so little about China until there was Yao:).

“The most mature rice stock bends the least.” This an ancient Korean proverb meaning that the most mature person keeps their opinion to themselves, holds back his/her emotions and is respected for it.  That was Yao Ming.  Asian cultures are what cultural experts call “collectivist” cultures. In collectivist cultures the hallowed words are: “we, harmony, face, obligation, sacrifice, tradition, decency, honor, duty, loyalty and shame.”  Yao Ming embodied these traits.

Americans are not collectivist. We would be characterized as an individualistic culture. Hallowed words in the USA are: “self, do your own thing, self-interest, self-respect, self-actualizing, dignity, I, me, pleasure, adventure, guilt and privacy.”

You can probably imagine how a person from a collectivist culture has difficulty moving into and working with cultures that are very individualistic/ independent.  It takes some time, work and adjustment.  But, EQ teaches us that in our world today, being able to live and act independently is critical to success, regardless of culture.

Yao Ming’s basketball style of play characterized the reality of someone coming from a collectivist culture trying to learn to assert himself independently. In a 2004 New York Times article, Donnie Walsh, an expert on international basketball said, “In a lot of the team sports in China you don’t see the same kind of one-on-one domination. Its more team oriented, whereas over here (USA), it’s, ‘I’m going to torch my guy……..”  The article said that Yao Ming was still trying to learn the “aggression and ferocity” (independence included) that the U.S’s best play.

Fortunately, we can be independent while still being in a collectivist culture, but the challenge is greater. Independence is the ability to be self-directed and free from emotional dependency on others.  When one is independent, decision making, planning and daily tasks are accomplished autonomously.  Independent people can still seek advice and counsel from others, but they are not clinging to or dependent on others.  In today’s working culture, a supervisor wants to know that he can give an employee a task to do and that the person can carry that task to completion without the ongoing oversight of someone else or even their emotional support along the way.

How are you doing at independence? Complete this Independence Exercise to assess yourself.