Bob Seagren was an Olympic Gold Medalist in the Pole Vault. My brother and I were young boys, idolizing great athletes. After seeing Seagren pole vault so well, we decided we wanted to take a try at it ourselves.

When you are a young boy and don’t have the fancy poles, track shoes, standards to hold up a bar for height or nice pads to land on, you improvise. We went out in the fields behind our home and found some long wooden poles from nearby trees. We had nothing to jump up and over, so we chose to attempt pole vaulting a sewer (yes, a sewer)! Behind our housing development was a long field that led to the mountains. Sewage from our homes was channeled through pipes to an open field where sewage ran like a slow stream (I know, not a pretty picture). Regardless, it was the best we could do.

My brother was older, stronger and faster than I was. He looked Seagren-esk as he sprinted with the pole in hand, placing it perfectly into the sewage while riding his momentum over the sewer to the bank on the other side. Yes, it could be done!

I made a similar approach, confident I was exercising the same technique, planted the same pole into the same spot and started a trajectory that would take me safely to the other bank. Do you know what happens when pole vaulters don’t have enough momentum to take them to the destination? Yes, they either fall back to their point of origin, or if really unfortunate, they reach the apex of their vault and fall sideways. Yes, you can guess my result. It was the sideways fall, right into the sewage. My poor Mom had to greet me at the door when I came home, beaten, downtrodden, smelly…….because I couldn’t emulate Seagren or my brother.

Sometimes we overestimate ourselves, don’t we? But, sometimes, we also underestimate ourselves. Self-regard is the ability to respect and accept ourselves. It is accompanied by feelings of security, inner strength, self-assuredness and self-confidence. But, it is rooted in reality. Self-regard is understanding both your strengths and areas of need while at the same time being comfortable with the person God made you. As Stein and Book state, “The idea is to like yourself as a total—and sometimes contradictory package” (EQ Edge, 105).  You need to “feel good in your own skin,” as we often say in the USA.

Do you often shy away from challenges because you fear failure? Do you fear you don’t have what it takes to truly be successful? Are you attempting to portray yourself as competent when you are feeling so incompetent inside? Do you hide your insecurities in a false bravado of arrogance?

For a helpful tool in assessing your own EQ competence in self-regard, try this:  Self-Regard Exercise