From youth I had a high amount of energy to do things that made me happy. Along with my friends we dreamed of being jet fighters. We couldn’t fly and we didn’t have equipment, so we improvised.  We used bicycles for locomotion and put underwear over our heads for pilot masks (the leg holes of the underwear being our “goggle lenses” to see the world:)).

What makes you happy? What really brings you fulfillment? Are you personally choosing a course in life to take you to a place of greater satisfaction? Do you feel you have the freedom to make those choices with your life?

Americans place a very high value on personal fulfillment. Along with goal attainment and individualism, it is one of the most critical elements in determining one’s satisfaction in life.  Self-actualization is a state of being whereby one is pleased with the location they find themselves at on life’s highway with respect to their personal and occupational destinations (Stein and Book, EQ Edge, 112).  People strong in self-actualization may not be where they want to be, but they are content with where they are and in the decisions and directions they are taking to move forward.

Based on my personal assessments of many Chinese and American young adults I can say, rather generally, this is an area of strength for Americans and not an area of strength for my Chinese friends.  Why?  There are probably many factors at play but at least two are prominent to me:

1. Instilled in Americans early in life is a cultural trait of individualism and an “I am captain of my own ship” attitude.  What this means is Americans generally feel if they are not where they want to be in life, it is no one’s fault but their own and they have the power to change it if they don’t like it. So, Americans may not be any more satisfied with life than their Chinese counterparts, but if they are not satisfied, they still believe THEY have the power to change it. This does not contradict self-actualization. It actually supports it.
2. The individualism noted above also plays out in culture and family. Few American young people I have met have felt any pressure from parents to take a certain career path. As a matter of fact, most I ask were told by parents: “Do whatever will make you happy.”  My Chinese and Asian friends have not typically felt this freedom and often choose degrees and careers based on the opinions of family.  So, by time they meet me and take an EQ Assessment asking questions about self-actualization, it becomes clear that they are not only not that excited about where they are now, but also feel very little power to change it.  This leads to low scores in self-actualization because inherent in healthy self-actualization is a personal sense of power to make choices that will lead to personal life satisfaction.

So, how do we gain greater self-actualization while at the same time living true to our own cultures and family?  This Self Actualization Exercise may help.