One of the great joys I have had this spring is volunteering in a Teaching English as a Second Language Class.  Thirty six students from thirty countries are represented in the class. Most are immigrants or refugees.  Some were highly educated with great jobs in their home countries while others were illiterate. One thing holds them all together: the American Dream. They have come to America to pursue the American dream and make a way for themselves and their family. I admire them so much. Would I have the courage to embark on the journey they have?

I have gotten to know them in class.  One is getting married and invited me to her wedding: August 10. Wow, how exciting! One has a used car he has pimped up……..I love to talk to him about his car and see his eyes light up.  Today, I told him my home state of Montana did not have a speed limit for at least a couple of years. I told him you could drive as fast as you wanted. He liked that idea! One of the quietest guys in class loves to fish.  I can imagine him doing all his thinking and reminiscing as he sits on a fishing bank on some quiet pond, remembering what he left behind and trying to make sense of where he is now.

One woman worked in an HR Department in her country and now she sits in English class, struggling to keep up with both of her daughters who are much less educated, probably, but learn this English “stuff” so much more quickly. But, she smiles and enjoys the journey, thankful for where she is.

Can you hear it in the words on this page? Feeling with others, regardless of joy or pain is the EQ quality of empathy. I am feeling the American Dream with these immigrants and refugees. I am finding joy where they find joy and, if I had time, I could tell you where I am feeling heartache where they feel heartache.  Some have been through atrocities I cannot even imagine. I grieve the loss of innocence they have experienced.  But, this feeling with others is a quality so needed in our generation.

To feel what others feel is empathy. Empathy is “seeing, hearing, or feeling as if you were someone else” (Alfred Adler).  In order to do that you must first CARE and be concerned about the wellbeing of others.

A recent Associated Press article underscores the need for soft skills like “empathy.”  “The world’s top employees are pickier than ever and they want to see more than high marks and the right degree. They want graduates with soft skills—those who can work well in teams………….and interact with colleagues from different countries and cultures” (“Firms Seek Grads Who Can Think Fast, Work in Teams”- Paul Wiseman, June 24, 2013).  Empathy is one of those soft skills that helps transform someone into a good team player and one able to lead and serve others.

“Getting into someone else’s skin” and trying to understand and feel what they are feeling is a critical developmental step for all of us who want to lead and serve. How are you doing? Are you able to slow down enough in your own pursuits to listen and care about what others are thinking and feeling?  Here is an Empathy EQ Exercise that may help you in the development of empathy.