Interpersonal Relationships

A person’s degree of happiness in life is most critically determined by the depth of their relationships.  I read research years ago that indicated this in a concise little book called, The Friendship Factor.  So, our happiness is not mostly determined by our material possessions, our circumstances or even our career or prestige. It is all about deeply connecting with others.

Emotional Intelligence analysis supports this.  For EQ, we define healthy interpersonal relationships by the presence of the ability to “establish and maintain mutually satisfying relationships that are characterized by intimacy and the giving and receiving of affection” (Stein and Book, 150).

Some observations of my friends in China:

• They tend to stay closer to childhood friends on into adulthood.  I rarely see this in the USA, anymore.
• They are much more affectionate with friends. It is common to see girls and even guys in China walking arm in arm or draping arms over each other’s shoulders. Not common in the USA:)
• When I lived in China, I was so delighted that Chinese students were very happy just sitting and talking together with friends, even over a cup of hot water, and didn’t seem to “need” any other kind of entertainment.

These are qualities of my friends in China I delight to see.  Well done!

If you don’t feel you have deep friendships……….if you often feel alone and don’t know who to turn to,  I have noticed some things by observation, regardless of where in the world I travel.  If you want to have friends:

• Listen well:  Listen more than you speak. Ask questions. Give people your full attention and let them know your conversation with them is important to you (eye contact, not sharing your attention with a TV or your cell phone, etc)
• Serve:  Take opportunities to serve others.  Look for ways to do little things to be a good friend to others.  Remember to follow up on areas of stress or difficulty in the lives of those you love.  They will know you care.
• Walk in, don’t walk out: It is easy to love people when they behave how you wish. But, we all fail and we all fall.  A true friend reaches to someone in need; they don’t run away from them.  Be the first to call and care when someone is down and out.

How are you doing interpersonally?  Here is an exercise that may help.