“Proud Parent of Honor Student at Jixi Middle School.”  You’ll never see that bumper sticker on a car driven in China.  But, each and every day I drive in North Carolina I see bumper stickers like this: “Proud Parent of Honor Student at (whatever school in wherever USA).  Why?

Americans are individualistic and independent. We generally want to draw attention to ourselves and our achievements.  Whether it is a bumper sticker, the annual Christmas letter, or a “26.2” sticker on our window, we love to extol the accomplishments of ourselves or our families. It is not like this in China. The Chinese are a humble, clan like people.  They do not seek to draw attention to themselves, to their accomplishments or to the accomplishments of their family.  Chinese adages like, “the loudest duck gets shot” remind them of their cultural heritage which values blending in, being  faithful to their family and community, loyalty, and to not “rock the boat.”

My “business friends” in China (I am careful how I write that: yes, we both do business and we are true friends) are men of higher rank than I, in anyone’s estimation.  Without question they have overcome more obstacles and risen higher in their culture than I have in mine.  Yet, when we go out to the finest meals in China (they insist on paying), they seat me in the position of honor (facing the door) and, when toasting, they show gracious humility (they dip the lip of their glass under the lip of mine) as a way of giving honor to me.  Yes, Chinese are both a humble and gracious people.

In light of this, how do I recommend conducting business in China? Here are some items to consider:

• Leave any personal or American “exceptionalism” on U.S soil before you get on the plane
• Reciprocate the graciousness shown to you by your hosts. You will be hard pressed to “out give” a Chinese friend
• If you feel your virtues “must” be extolled in order to get business, bring along someone else to do it for you.  Bringing an “intermediary” is common in business dealings in China.
• Build a friendship first, and allow your Chinese colleague to indicate, through word and action, when it is time to “talk business.”
• Find a trusted and savvy Chinese “mentor” to guide you through the process of building partnerships in China.