Growing up in the mountains of Montana exposed me to many things. Most were good, some were bad. One insect all disdained is called a “tick.” A tick is a small parasite that gets it life from the life of another. Usually, in early spring, the ticks come out in abundance. They find places where humans and animals frequent and do their best to latch on to one while it walks near.  “Latching on” is to attach itself to the “host” and suck its blood in order to nourish itself.

When anything or anyone attaches itself to another to get life for itself, we call it a parasite.  Humans can be parasitic. Admittedly, I can be parasitic.  When I “use” you to make me feel good about me…….when I “use” you to validate my worth, I am being parasitic. When I say I “need” you, am I not really saying, “I can’t find life apart from you?”  That is parasitic.  When I work extra hard, to find your approval (in order that I might feel better about me), am I not being parasitic?  I am dependent on you because I don’t feel good about me unless you feel good about me.

Neither you nor I want to be parasitic. We want to be secure enough where we don’t have to be like that parasitic tick, searching for a host to grab on to in order to get life.  People who have a healthy self-regard (one not dependent on the approval of others) are able to display other healthy emotional intelligence qualities like independence (not being emotionally dependent on others), assertiveness (speaking up for what they believe without fear of losing friends) and social responsibility (ability to find joy in giving away their lives to help others vs using others to feel better about themselves).

As a child, when I compared myself to others and feared I was lacking, my father would always say, “He puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like you do.”  My father wanted to instill in me a healthy self-regard. No one is any better than me……no one is any worse than me. God doesn’t make mistakes. He created each of us just the way we are, no better and no worse than anyone else.  There is security in that. There is no need to be dependent on others in order to love ourselves. There is no need to be parasitic.